I want to start a pretentious photography business for photos.

I need to get me a camera.

During my travels for work, I see some pretty cool things. I want photograph them and start up a pretentious website where I market them as well as myself as a taker of photos. I will refer to them as "phots" because I will portray myself as edgy and current.

I want to feed my readers and potential clients all kinds of crap about memories being special and I will not post rates on my website.

I have already created a slogan for this endeavour that shows I have an artistic soul, am a deep thinker and am for lack of a better term, "fancy".

"It's not about where the picture is taken, it's about where the picture takes you...however, that is usually the same place."

I was inspired to start taking pictures after seeing a heard of deer fenced in on an artillery range. There were signs every ten feet warning of explosions, but the animals paid them no attention. There was one deer in particular who was standing right behind one of the signs. I thought of captions picture of a deer with a sign warning you about bombs could have:

"Are Canada's public schools failing our wildlife?"
"Facing a recruitment problem, the military has turned to some unlikely recruits for some jobs."
"Tick...tick...tick..."
"Look out, she's gonna a-splode!"

I stopped my truck and tried to get a bit closer to take and awesome picture with my phone...but whenever I got close, they ran. For some reason, living on a artillery range had made the creatures a tad skiddish.

I ended up getting pictures of the deer from a distance and pictures of the sign up close. I dream for a way I could combine the two images. I really wish there was some kind of shop for photos...maybe one day.

Hallmark

I was recently in the Hallmark store recently looking to purchase a card. Since I was not looking for a Mother's Day, selection was limited. Very generic and Hallmarky. Thankfully, they have a foreign section. I found this gem in Swedish: A quick doodle later and the card was done. You're welcome, Hallmark

Lloyd Robertson vs. A Manticore

In honour of Lloyd Robertson's final day at the CTV Newsdesk, I am digging up something I made a while ago. This is two pages of a comic I created where all the dialogue is in Haiku. In the project, each page was structured with three panels - A five inch one, then a seven inch one, then another five...thus also creating kind of a visual haiku, or vaiku.

This excerpt shows Mr. Robertson delivering us from the terrors that would do us harm.

wait for it...

I wanted to send this in to him, but I totally drew him fat in the second panel...which he isn't. As a Lloyd Robertson fan, I don't want him to think that he looks like that and get all kinds of self image issues. Don't do it Lloyd! You are perfect just the way you are.

Thanks for everything, Mr. Robertson. You will be missed.

Art book submission

A while back I submitted to be in an art book...with actual artists!

Who would let in in their art book? Good question. They have no idea who I am, which is probably why I got an invite. It's from an organization in Calgary who wanted to do a project, but needed to fill 104 pages and didn't have enough artists, so I get an invite from a friend to supply some filler! Yay! I have never been so happy to be filler before. The only thing is that I know a lot of the artists involved and they are VERY good...like "I don't need a day job because I make enough money on art" good. I really wish I had more time to put into this.

The premise of the book is classical literature. Basically drawing any character or scene from a book that is public domain. This includes most things written before 1924 are fair game. People are doing things like Huck Finn, War of the Worlds, Grimm Fairy Tales, Greek mythology, Frankenstein, Moby Dick, etc...Artists are paid in copies of the book that they can sell, which is pretty cool.

My choice was "A Modest Proposal" By Jonathan Swift. In his proposal, Dr. Swift proposes an intriguing way to help combat the great Irish famine. Essentially if the Irish were to sell their children to English nobles to be used as food, everyone would benefit. The nobles would have an exotic new meat to be served at dinner time, and the Irish solve their overpopulation woes and can once again afford to feed themselves. It is a super dark satire that a lot of people thought was serious. He presented it in a very sensible manner referring to studies and statistic in a very scholarly fashion. It's quite smart, but also very depressing just to even think of the famine where 1/3 of the country starved to death while still being a net food exporter.


My vision for the book is of a happy English family going on a shopping trip. I thought a lot about everything I would put in, but I think my execution sucks. I think I drew a nice wall, though! I will over-analyze everything below. You can skip that if you like.


My initial idea was for a bunch of kids playing and one child appearing to be partially made of food. Then, as I drew the kids, things seemed to take a more macabre twist. I was going to have the one in the bottom left playing pin the tail on the donkey, but after I accidentally drew one pant leg and one short leg and therefor had to give him the peg leg, I thought the blindfold might look more like his eyes had been taken out. I then wrote "return" on his shirt to imply that his purchasers were not happy with the eyes and leg they had before and they wanted a refund. I then decided to add words like "zesty", "prime" and "snack" to the other child's clothing. After the kid in a dunce cap gazing into the play cauldron, I decided on other touches like someone sprinkling seasoning into to pot as the child looks...and the grabby hand and the child disappearing to the left. On the industrious side, I researched games that were played at the time (but didn't use most of them), drew an authentic Irish guardsman uniform and I think I did fairly well with the period costumes at the bottom. I like the idea of the shadows showing their vile intentions (and their daughter's not), but I don't think I did too well. I wanted the English to remain faceless and shrouded. Everything is in warm greys except for the children, that I did in cold grays and less detail. Even their faces are slightly grayed as well as joyless, I thought using two different grayscales might make it appear that the kids were already partially dead and no longer fit in with the rest of the living world.

Again, ambition over ability. The story of my artistic career.

Anyways, i'm going to be in a book!

My Review of the new Transformers movie

Now is the part of our show where I review a movie I have no intention of seeing by slightly modifying a press release from North Korea's Central News Agency.

Lively Response Evoked by Drama "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" among People

New York, August 3 (KCNA) -- Performance of drama "Transformers: Dark of the Moon", winner of Kim Il Sung Prize, is going on every day before full house, evoking lively response among audience.

The drama deals with the persevering efforts of people in a mountainous county to implement in a do or die spirit the United States Army policy on building moon bases during the recession. It makes an artistic representation of the ideological and moral world of the genuine patriots who live for tomorrow not merely for today. The audiences were deeply moved to watch the drama.

After enjoying the drama, officials in the fields of light industry and agriculture said they keenly realized what was the source of such Herculean strength that made the Americans stand on their own feet during the recession. They renewed their pledge to bring about a great turn in the production of consumer goods and agricultural production through a dynamic drive for improving the standard of people's living and thus become genuine persons who would recollect today with pride in the future.

Officials in the fields of coal, power, metal industries and railway transport vowed to display their mental power just as the heroes of the drama did when building a moon base by their own efforts despite manifold ordeals, convinced that adversity leads to prosperity, and achieve fresh successes in the drive for a great surge.

Officials of party and power bodies and working people's organizations in Manhattan said the portrayal of the heroine of the drama, who, optimistic about future, bravely overcame sorrow over the death of the dear one and differences with those who eyed foreign style tells the truth that the success in implementing the party's policies depends on the officials.

Mole Money, Mole Problems

I just created a not too unlovable mascot for my MWD (Measuring While Drilling) company. Job entails lots of drilling, lots of measuring...you get the idea.

I don't have a name for him yet...any suggestions? If I chose your name idea I will give you 50% off your next downhole survey tool rental.



An inaccurate representation of the MWD tool is in his left hand and on his right is a a tricone drill bit. Physically, he is an amalgam of four dorky references:


The basic shape of Krtek, The Little Mole. Krtek is a Communist era Czechoslovakian children's cartoon.


The Borg - to seem all sciencey and meticulous.


The pants, boots and Chevrons are from the old Dig Dug game. I am essentially a real life Dig Dug.


And Finally, The Mole Man - Enemy of the Fantastic Four. I stole his green cape and large stick.

I didn't have a lot of friends growing up.

Pope'n Aint Easy

Here is a story I made a while ago, but only recently got around to scanning. It's a charming children's tale about the human spirit. The story serves as a reminder that, regardless of your handicaps, if you have enough spirit, there is no limit to what you cannot do!

I proudly present:

Timmy, The Tiniest Pope